Well, I didn’t book the play. Good thing we still have our new puppy, Dinah.
Puppies make everything better!
Sometimes (a lot of the time) I’m reminded of how thankful I am for all the shows I got to do back home. Since moving to LA 6 years ago paid gigs feel so few and far between. Granted, I’ve been quite busy enjoying a lovely life and adventure and enjoying the company of amazing friends. But every once in awhile I get the Hollywood Blues. Those days when you wonder if you’ve been fooling yourself this entire time. It’s been so long since you’ve been on stage or in front of the camera that you just feel dusty. It’s not easy trying feel like an artist every day. Or even reminding yourself that you are one. Especially when you can get so wrapped up in trying to do the business side all the time and always trying to be a smart business savvy artist. When I get these Hollywood Blue days I take a look at what I’ve been doing lately. Usually I find that I’ve been working on digging deep into marketing, reading the latest Hollywood Reporter, Entertainment Weekly, or Variety. Checking up on Deadline, IMDb, and casting websites.
I’ve found that sometimes I hide behind the biz so I don’t have to face the fact that my last silent film was finished over 3 years ago. I’ve half written a few ideas for the next film, but it is far from completed. I feel like a big bag of wind.
I know I write a lot about swinging back and forth between working on my craft and doing smart biz things. I think I may find myself swing back towards the arts side. I now know a lot more tools to getting word out and communicating about my work. Thing is, I need more work to talk about.
So perhaps it’s time to step back from the hustle and bustle of this tinsel town. Hole up in my office and create. If I were a painter I would paint everyday and not worry about commercial success. I’d just be a painter (who would hopefully get to sell a few paintings – that would be nice) but just being a painter. Not having to prove myself and my worth to the world everyday – which I feel like I have to do so often with being an actor in LA.
So for today, I let that go. I release my need to be seen. My need to be liked, popular, cast, booked, thought of as brilliant. I am a humble artist. Plunking away in my little office in Studio City. Surrounded by big fancy houses and cars. Ladies with big sunglasses clinking cocktail glasses.
I am thankful for what I have. It is enough.
I am enough.
And you are too.
Happy Wednesday, my dear friend.